When my dad passed away- it was the most surreal moment for me. Prior to our road trip Wes and I just barely got engaged! I was so happy! and I even mentioned we elope haha. But, we figured a normal wedding would be nice and the whole family could be there to see. My mom talked to my Dad- he called her every day while he was in Cambodia while visiting his relatives. She said my dad was really excited for me and it made him happy to hear I was on the path to settling down. I was just elated to be engaged and excited for our vacation coming up.
Wes and I are en route to Las Vegas for vacation and we are driving on the freeway in Vegas traffic. I was driving my dad's Mercedes- I'm so glad I did, cause it was one of the last things he sat in- his smell was still in it and his meticulous detailing was noticed. When my dad bought this car, he tried to change the oil and if you know Mercedes, they make it impossible to do that without taking it into the dealership or a mechanic who knows how. Somehow he found a way and broke something in the engine- haha. So it had this problem of overheating and I kept having to watch the cars thermometer to make sure it wouldn't go past a certain point. Even though my Dad wasn't with us- he made my road trip a little stressful, haha.
My mom called a few times while I was driving, but Wes- the safe driver he is- wouldn't let me answer the call. After the umpteempth call from my Mom, I just finally had to answer it. The phone call is engraved in my memory. I didn't even say hello, all I heard was my mom crying and yelling "your dad died!" and she hung up. Wes could tell I was in shock, and I told him...My eyes welled up with tears and it took all I had to control the car and get off the freeway. I pulled into a random parking lot and parked. And I cried..for a while. The first call I made was to my brother, Ty, and he knew already and we sobbed on the phone together. Then the second call I made was to our Sponsors- Ken and Fran. Fran's words of sympathy helped me get through my next call with Try, my half brother who lives in Georgia. With both phone calls I had with my brothers, they said my Dad sacrificed a lot for our family to get us here, he worked hard to give us a good life.
There are people who judge me for what I did after I heard that my dad passed. Why? Cause I continued on with my vacation. I spent the next few days with the man I was going to marry and the friends we met up with in Mesquite. There was a handful of us friends who planned that trip as a surprise birthday weekend for our friend, Ryan. I was in charge of getting to the hotel early and getting the room decorated. I took that job seriously- even though I am sure everyone would have understood if I turned around back to Salt Lake to grieve. I didn't want to spoil this amazing birthday weekend for our friend so me and Wes didn't say anything about what just happened, actually we only told two people, Blake and Bobbie.And it was weird, really, because I wasn't even that close to them. I think it was just an impulse so that someone else besides Wes would understand if I suddenly started crying.
My Dad passed away in Cambodia, On May 27, 2011- he had already been there for a couple months and was a couple weeks away from flying home. I already hadn't seen him for a while, so even though I was sad to hear of his passing..it didn't really hit me. It was like he was on vacation still and I'd see him in a couple weeks.I wasn't even close to my Dad, I had a rough time with him growing up- he was very abusive and had a hard time seeing me become an "american' with american friends. He'd chase my friends away all the time. It was a tough go with that man and I just felt like he never was happy with any decision I ever made. So I didn't take his death as seriously as people would have liked me too, especially when I continued my vacation plans with my friends.
I wouldn't have stayed if my mom said to come back to Salt Lake, she told me to stay on my vacation because there wasn't a lot I could do as arrangements couldn't be made for my dad until the week day. Looking back, i don't regret not coming home right away. My mom was only mad at me for a little bit- She felt I didn't come home to help her, but I didn't know how to help her. I didn't know really what to do, I was angry at her really. And , as bad as this sounds- I had blamed her for my fathers early passing. And i didn't let go of that blame for a long time. She was the one that forced him to go on that trip and if he never would have gone, he'd still be alive- those were my thoughts.
On our way home from our vacation- it hit me that my Dad wouldn't be here to see me get married. All I knew at that moment, was I wanted to be married, soon, and just start my new life with Wes.
Okay- I felt like I had to share all that because now you may understand the amazing respect I've learned to develop since then, for my Mom and my Dad. I've recently came upon some stories from my sponsors and my mom that describe the sacrifices and courage of my Dad.. To be Continued!
No comments:
Post a Comment