yesterday i watched American Race and the National Geographic Documentary Hell on Earth - The Fall of Syria & the Rise of Isis ...like one after the other. Intense doesn't even describe it. It made me sad, mad, protective. and my heart breaks for these families who have had to endure all of this civil warfare. The kids...I can't.. as a mom, you are torn inside and out when you see other mom's grieve.
I can't say I am always up to date on whats going on in the world, I am not always perceptive to whats happening in our country, but these were both eye opening shows that made me realize how backwards our human race had become. I got bashed for my opinion on that travel ban and the limit of refugees coming in, but after watching this, we wouldn't be able to sustain that big of an influx of people coming in, we can barely handle those crossing the borders with the resources we have. extremists are here in our own country, why invite more people from over seas masking as an innocent victim. Obama should have taken out that regime when he had the chance... seriously, I am angry. I am also angry that we have a current president who thinks that sending the media on a hamster wheel of stories about Russian collusion is going to take away the fact that he has no idea what he's doing and his policies just divide the ENTIRE world.
I am now admittedly, ignorant to the black lives matter movement, I am stunned how 'economic racism' is still in this country. what a shame. shame on these states who allow it to happen. noone should ever be 'red lined' in their life. its sad. I feel horrible for not choosing to educate myself on this earlier and then having an opinion on the race concerns.
So that is part of the problem, my ignorance to what was outside my safe bubble. I obviously am not the only one, otherwise these issues in our world wouldn't be headlines right now. we all walk around with these blinders on or the notion of 'it will take care of it self' No.
i am proud of these courageous people that advocate for what's right, who go through ups and downs for the greater good of the human race. I like the sound of their squeeky wheels now.
6/4/17
On Purpose: Living and Loving
When I think about the past 6 months, I think "shit, what have i done?!" Seriously, what is it have i done? why am i so busy but yet can sit here and write a blog post, haha.
I created a digital magazine with a simple message of connecting you to the professionals. it seems obvious, but to me it wasn't- i wanted to break the mold of seeing the same old same old, i wanted to highlight everyone i could that was trying to make a name for themselves in the industry. Now, I know Wed Utah isn't the biggest platform out there, but to be featured on something with actual viewers is a big deal to anyone. it means your work is being validated, it's something to give these guys confidence to help catapult them into meaningful business.
My first issue was highlighting a culture i've never even been a part of, then on the second issue, I put a plus size model on the cover, I did a shoot in a boxing ring. I told my models to be serious, feel empowered and be proud. i put lifestyle bloggers in the issue with their recipes- whoa! i got a lot of head shaking with that one. "but you're a wedding magazine" I know..and it's MY magazine, I can do what I want..,hmmm..oh, I also wrote my first e-guide, a how to plan your own wedding guide. yep. it can be purchased even...meep!
What else have I done? Oh yeah, took on weddings when I said I wasn't going to. But I am grateful for them, because they were all referrals- I didn't have to do any promotions, campaigns, pitching or anything...they just came to me. And its actually a little more stressful cause there are two parties to impress here, the bride and groom, and the person who referred them.
Luckily I have a legit team this year. I can't even believe it. I can't even believe they want to work with me...cause I am beastly most of the time haha. but I am really really thankful for the ladies, we are getting photos taken this month and i know its just photos, but it represents more to me than that.
I planned a launch party for the magazine in like 5 weeks. haha. it was nuts. but i wouldn't have been able to pull it off without all these people and so much more. they busted their asses without hardly knowing what it was I was trying to do myself. At the end of the night, when the party was done, my heart was full and i cried on the way home. I cried cause i couldn't comprehend why all these people came when they didn't even know me, I didn't understand that someone would come support something that hadn't been around yet. but here they were.
Okay, so this isn't about all business...the past 6 months, what have I done?
I have put myself in a spotlight now that encourages people to be judgmental and mean. Someone told me " i just don't find you amazing" okay..
amazing. hmmm. i didn't know i was doing this to somehow convince you I was amazing. and if that is what it seems like i am doing, than I am missing the mark here. I am doing this to let other people know they are amazing. I am doing a magazine to tell other vendors no matter how long they have been around, they can have a publication to look to for support and tell them they are amazing. i do it for the brides and grooms so that they feel amazing on their big day, I do it so people who are looking to build a brand can look at someone and say, ' well if she can do that , i definitely can'
also, im sorry if me posting about my family offends you, i think my husband and my kids are the greatest, and i post. thats who what i do. and in all honesty, instagram has become my 'blog' now cause all the photos that would have gone into my blog are there with shorter captions and stories.
Also, i am learning now that with a business, i feel like my kids are growing up so much faster! haha...like the months are flying by with Charlotte, I took a full year off of anything wedding related and i feel like i just paid more attention to her growth. with Arthur im like flying by the seat of my pants getting him fed and diapers changed
we put her in a pre-3 school and she has just grown so much, like, you know your kids are smart, but then these teachers have a way to bringing it to the surface. she talks more, she is confident in her ability to process and repeat. its amazing. i love her to pieces.also i reposted this blog article about missing my time with my first born. its been hard for me to balance my time with both kids, and i just feel like im losing that one on one time i was spoiled with when it was just me a chuck. Do any of you moms feel that way. i really got emotional about it, but im emotional about everything anymore. when i see babies i get emotional, when i see those subaru commercials where the kids are grown up and moving to college, i get emotional. I know this would be a cue for some to tell me to have another baby..but i am done. and maybe thats why i am sad, cause i am done. and so my time with two kiddos is cherished everyday. living and loving on purpose, everyday, not with purpose, but on purpose, cause other people depend on me...and i depend on them.
now to start planning arthur's first birthday..yeah..ONE!!
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