In my world of never-ending projects, events, kids, kids’ stuff, an MBA husband, a working husband, family, friends,
and more- it was time for my brain and my body to take a time out.
Before this, I would give Wes his time out in between
semesters and take the kids out of the house so he could be home to just take a
break, but this time he offered it to me. What?! Yep, cause that’s just how he
is folks.
I’m going to give you a back story
that kind of links into this me time break, but you can totally skip over it, ha-ha.
Many may know that I had super
bad postpartum depression after Charlotte. It was something discovered after
months of not knowing what it really was that I was going through. I was on
medication that September the year she was born, took it through my pregnancy
with Arthur and then just got off it about mid-summer 2018. that's over 4 years
of being on anti-depressants. When Arthur was born, my dose was increased, and
then after 6 months. I had my IUD removed and my dose was increased again.
after my IUD was removed and my second increase took place, I had gained a lot
of weight. I mean I had gained weight anyways, but this time the weight was weird
because it was almost uncontrollable eating.
My dose at the very beginning, when
I was diagnosed was 25 mg. at my last appointment, my dose was up to 100
mg. that is 3 dose increases within 4 years. and with that a constant battle
with weight.
It was finally made aware to me, by
a different doctor, that the medication is linked to weight gain anyways, but
then when you increase the dosage, it makes you insatiably hungry. So here I
was in this cycle of mental illness and physical change and I was feeling like
I wasn't getting better.
At one of my dosage increase
visitation, it was with my PCP, who had recommended that I start meditating to
control my thoughts before I went into my deep hole of depression and anxiety.
I think this was November of 2017, I had just lost 25 lbs. and had not had an
increase for a year.
I started dabbling in meditation
and then stumbled upon this practice called Law of Attraction. I did that
through the holidays and then a couple months into 2018 but still I felt off.
In the meantime, after my law of attraction 'studies' I started watching Instagram
videos on cake decorating I would literally watch an hour of videos of cake
decorating ha-ha. I started applying some of my law of attraction into my
enthusiasm for cakes and then it turned into an obsession, and the obsession
was making me spin out of control again. so, I went in for an evaluation with
my OB and he increased my dose to 75 mg in February. So here we go, unbeknownst to me, that an
increase in my medication creates an appetite increase and I’m here baking
cakes and eclairs like every f*cking day. that 25 lbs. were gained back so fast
and my depression and the anger I had at myself was painfully and outwardly constant, it was Muyly
2014 postpartum depression surfacing. It was really bad all over again. in the Spring I revisited my law of
attraction and stopped watching cake videos ha-ha. I think I kind of halted my
baking too. And I asked for another increase in my medication dose. this was my peak of using anti-depressants,
at 100 mg.
During the summer, of 2018, it hit me that I needed to stop
the cycle. I needed to just stop taking medication. I revved up my meditating
and I stopped cold turkey on my pills. which is a no no. but I truly believe
that my self-help mumbo jumbo with LoA podcasts and meditating derailed what could
have been a huge crash coming down from quitting my meds as hastily as I did. Truly
in my heart I believe it. Now, not to say I haven't had moments of sheer anger
and anxiety and demeaning self-talks, but I've really taught myself to see
those signs, then punch them out.
Don't worry, I was battling all this plus everything
mentioned in paragraph 1, no biggie, heh. So that's why this me time weekend was so
important for me, even though I did the dorkiest things. even though most
people would call it a waste.
One of the things I did was go to Barnes and Noble. no kids
no agenda. and all I wanted to do was to flip through books and magazines and
drink my iced chai latte. I was there for almost 3 hours! I read, almost in
their entirety, two Brene Brown books, 4 cooking and crafting related magazines
and looked at a couple cookbooks.
Secondly, I went to craft stores, yes plural. I'm the type
that can spend 2 hours at the craft store, well any store. I look at
everything. but normally I am rushed because I have the kids with me. so, what
the hell, I had zero kids so let’s go to two craft stores and it was the best 4
hours of my life! just kidding, not the best, but it was a liberation of time
and responsibility I had not felt in so long. I bought all sorts of stuff and
had all these plans to paint and craft and modge podge when I got to the hotel
room. Oh, and I ate Panda Express in the car listening to one of my favorite
podcasts through blue tooth. I don't have blue tooth in the van, but the sedan
has it, and that’s usually Wes' car. it was great, it was like chow mein and
learning about how I was really one with the universe. Shit like that, that I
can't ever do because I choose to involve myself with other things and not take
time out for myself.
I didn't do any planning for the week, I didn't even think
about my cake class planning. I did not really stay in touch with Wes and the
kids, I sent Wes a photo of me and my face mask, ha-ha, a couple photos of the
room I was in, oh and my giant diet dr pepper. but I didn't call or text other
than that. I didn't want to know honestly what was happening at home. I knew it
was fine, and I APPRECIATED Wes not calling or texting me either. he just let
me be, because he knew I’d be fine.
So, when you are taking time out for yourself, don't fall
into the grandiose of it. don't get lured into a me time weekend because you
saw some lady at the spa saying oh it’s a me weekend. Do it because you really enjoy being in the
company of, well, you. ME, I enjoy being me. and me is different to everyone.
Me to me is coming out of a 4-year cycle of mentally falling and catching, and physically
bombarding my emotions and well-being and health. it was me coming out of the
real 'fog' knowing I am capable of happiness and appreciation without
medication, without being negative about how I look and without allowing my
environment to dictate what I should be or should not be doing.
The best thing I’ve learned in 12 months is to appreciate
first, do second, ask last. Appreciate everything you have in the moment, in
your life, in the lives of others. Act on your appreciation by giving to others,
giving to your day, doing your tasks. And then, ask. Ask for help, ask for a
conversation, ask to lend hand, ask for time.
Okay, now that I had that weekend of time, I can not only share my
experience of it and why, but now I can finally give y’all some recipes! I have
shared my buttercream recipe photo about half a dozen times and its horrible. Its
horribly written lol and I have no direction other than measurements, so i have directions below. My sugar
cookie recipe and royal icing recipe that I’ve loved using is also posted.
Muyly’s Best Vanilla Buttercream
Makes enough
to frost an 8”, 3 layer cake. Not 3 tiers, there’s a difference.
1 Cup room
temp butter
2 Cups all veg shortening
½ teaspoon butter
flavor extract
1 teaspoon vanilla
extract
8 Cups
Powdered sugar
8 tablespoons
to ½ cup of cream or half and half
With a hand mixer or stand mixer, beat together butter and
shortening until combine and smooth. On low speed add butter extract and
vanilla extract. Increase speed to incorporate thoroughly. Add half the powdered sugar on low until just
combined with the butter and shortening mixture. Then add the other half. Add 8
TB of half and half or cream and check consistency. Buttercream should spread
easily with a knife along the side of the mixing bowl. If it seems stiff, add
liquid, up to ½ a cup until consistency is achieved.
To Store: This frosting will be fine at room temperature for
several hours, but if you aren’t going to use it for a day or two, transfer to
a GLASS bowl and cover tightly. Take it out the day you need it an let it come
to room temp before frosting.
No Chill Cut Out Sugar Cookies
½ Cup softened
butter
1 Cup
granulated sugar
1 Tablespoon
sour cream
1 teaspoon
Vanilla extract
3 room temp
egg whites
2 Cups AP
Flour
½ teaspoon
of baking powder
½ teaspoon fine
kosher salt
Preheat oven to 350
With a hand mixer or stand mixer, combine butter and sugar
and beat on medium speed until sugar is fully blended and mixture is fluffy and
pale. Add sour cream, vanilla extract and beat until combined. Add egg whites
and mix thoroughly.
In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt
and mix. Add the dry ingredients in thirds to the wet mix. Stir until just
combined before adding another third of the dry mix.
Dump out the dough on the floured surface and finish combining
the ingredients by hand until a firm ball forms. Roll out dough and cut out
shapes. Working quickly to transfer and get into the oven. Bake for 7-9 minutes
until the bottoms turn a light golden brown. ( the leavening of the baking powder
is activated by the sour cream, it will lose its rising agent fast so you have
to work kind of fast, but don’t overwork with dough either) Cool cookies before
frosting.
Royal Icing
4 Cups of Powdered
sugar
3 TB of a powdered
egg replacer, I like Ener-G Foods Egg Replacer
½ tsp vanilla
extract, omit or use clear vanilla to maintain a bright white icing
4-6 TB of
Warm water
In a large
mixing bowl, mix powdered sugar and egg replacer. Add vanilla extract and stir
until you can’t see the vanilla. Start with 2 TB of warm water and mix, add 2 more
TB and mix vigorously to combine. When you raise up your whisk, you want the
icing to fall into it self and melt away. If you see the icing still on top
then add another TB of water and mix vigorously, keep adding up to 6 TB if
needed.
