2018 Year in Review

2018 in the books! I always like doing end of year posts, it makes me reflect on a lot of the good things and what things I was able to accomplish through the course of the year. In the day to day, you get so caught up in just making it through the day.

I packed on the goals this year, and partly because I had done a vision board and looking at that thing everyday really held me accountable, and even if it was a glance, that little subtle reminder helped me out.

In reviewing my vision board the only thing I didn’t do was lose the weight I had so wanted to lose, the weight that I had gained so much of. But there was a lot to that weight gain where I just had to come to terms with it. I didn’t want to start a new weight loss program after that because I wanted to prove to myself that I am able to accomplish and achieve great things no matter what size I am. I can be all the things at a healthy plus size weight. Really- cholesterol and blood pressure is great, no signs of diabetes so I was just plumpy and happy. other things i didn't complete but have plans to for the future as well, like a cookbook.

Take up Embroidery and cross stitch. Check.

Win and participate in some baking contests. Check.

Give back in more ways than one. Check.

casino and carnival ball fundraiser

Plan a couple weddings. Check.

Write a cookbook. Nope. I got the process started, but it was going to cost more to get it published than I anticipated so I just had to put it on the back burner. It didn’t stop me from creating more new recipes though.

Lose Weight. Nope.

Continue Wed Utah. Nope. My schedule was just soo packed or limited, and the magazine needs a lot of attention so again I just have to put it on the back burner.

Start cake classes on a whim. Yep.

Get good at cakes. Yep.

 Make a cake for the Governor. Check

Keep kids happy and alive. Yep.

cousin kaydee invited us up north for the day gave the kids their first rzr ride

No Cavities both visits!

Make some amazing new friends and reconnect with current ones in new ways. Yep.

Jessica white is a photographer and my mother in law led a food styling session for us

it rained on our smores cook out, we had like 20 minutes of normal time before this. last time i plan a smores cookout lol

Charlotte made so many leaps in her confidence this year. I think putting her in tumbling helped tremendously. She had a rough start but towards the last  couple months, she was like a pro. That confidence lead into her swimming lessons too and in soccer, she didn’t really play soccer though, she liked just talking to kids. She’d run behind the pack and just chat it up with the stragglers lol. She was in the kitchen a lot with me too. She seriously loves to learn. We enrolled her in a preschool up the road from us and she’s been doing so awesome. I also added upstart. Lol. She had a month where it was preschool, tumbling, swimming, soccer and upstart Haha.

2018 was also the year I tried my hand at matching the kids. It made it so I could buy boy clothes for charlotte to hand down to Arthur but she could still have a girly flair to it.

Date nights were so few and far between for Wes and I. school and kids and not a lot of sitters to choose from. 1, actually. His mom haha, Ally and Vic tended a few times before they got preggers.

Between semesters I took the kids to the best western in park city. The first time charlotte couldn’t believe we were going in the mountains. And so now everytime she hears the word hotel, she asks if its in the mountains. Our hotel room was right off the pool and the kids loved it.

Summer was basically all pool all the time for us. And I owned two bathing suits.

Wes had a couple procedures this year too. Nothing too serious, but for one of them he was able to get out of bed and the kids just loved having him home.

Lots of family time.

First Bee’s game for Charlotte

First Demolition Derby for Charlotte and Arthur.

First Paw Patrol performance for Charlotte

First carnival for Charlotte and Arthur

First friends birthday party Charlotte got to attend. So fun!

Charlotte turns 4

Arthur turns 2

Dad turns thirty something

My birthday, I made my own dinner and ice cream cake.

Thanksgiving was a fun day, it was just us 4 and it was just a non chaotic day. We love seeing everyone but sometimes just being home is nice too. Christmas was the same, non chaotic.

i got a tv for the kitchen specifically to watch cooking and baking shows while im cooking or baking

2018 was also a year of heart aches for those around me- lost of loved ones, separations among so many friends of mine, losing my chance at some accounts, being jipped on salary raises for wes, people just being plain mean. But those things, for us, did not harm the infrastructure of my own little family. In fact, we have become bonded more so as we have learned to appreciate the things we have, how much strength we draw from one another, from my kids I’m constantly driven to just be a better me and mom, from Wes I am reminded how lucky I am to have a great partner, and it makes me want to be a better spouse, for Wes – I think, seeing his kids grow up and learn makes him want to work hard and continue to give them this great life and he has learned to anticipate my needs from when I just need a mental break, do a shopping spree, to a diet dr pepper lol- it truly is the best being married to him.

a food and convenience bin me and kristin put together for rachel after walt passed

And just some more photos for me to archive. See, Year in Review posts are fun, however you document your years, it’s so special to see how much you grow, how much everyone around you grows, too.

Fran made this quilt for me!

he had two teeth all they way up to May, and then they all came in

from our pinterest party , spiked adult slushes in breast milk bags.

made a pie for Wes

I made it in Target Style

charlotte  taught herself how to paint her nails

photoshoot I coordinated

brows by Renae

me time weekend

my brie cheesecake made it into someone elses photo shoot

worst week ever! our neighbor had water problems and it got our whole kitchen wet. we had machines up stairs and downstairs for 3 days. 

me and my mother in law at Marys retirement party ( culinary Crafts) it was food heaven, if you ever see her ask her about how amazing the food was. she talks about it everytime i see her lol

Wes at a concert

Me Time and Recipes

In my world of never-ending projects,  events, kids, kids’ stuff, an MBA husband, a working husband, family, friends, and more- it was time for my brain and my body to take a time out.

Before this, I would give Wes his time out in between semesters and take the kids out of the house so he could be home to just take a break, but this time he offered it to me. What?! Yep, cause that’s just how he is folks.

I’m going to give you a back story that kind of links into this me time break, but you can totally skip over it, ha-ha.

                Many may know that I had super bad postpartum depression after Charlotte. It was something discovered after months of not knowing what it really was that I was going through. I was on medication that September the year she was born, took it through my pregnancy with Arthur and then just got off it about mid-summer 2018. that's over 4 years of being on anti-depressants. When Arthur was born, my dose was increased, and then after 6 months. I had my IUD removed and my dose was increased again. after my IUD was removed and my second increase took place, I had gained a lot of weight. I mean I had gained weight anyways, but this time the weight was weird because it was almost uncontrollable eating.

My dose at the very beginning, when I was diagnosed was 25 mg. at my last appointment,  my dose was up to 100 mg. that is 3 dose increases within 4 years. and with that a constant battle with weight.

It was finally made aware to me, by a different doctor, that the medication is linked to weight gain anyways, but then when you increase the dosage, it makes you insatiably hungry. So here I was in this cycle of mental illness and physical change and I was feeling like I wasn't getting better.

At one of my dosage increase visitation, it was with my PCP, who had recommended that I start meditating to control my thoughts before I went into my deep hole of depression and anxiety. I think this was November of 2017, I had just lost 25 lbs. and had not had an increase for a year.

I started dabbling in meditation and then stumbled upon this practice called Law of Attraction. I did that through the holidays and then a couple months into 2018 but still I felt off. In the meantime, after my law of attraction 'studies' I started watching Instagram videos on cake decorating I would literally watch an hour of videos of cake decorating ha-ha. I started applying some of my law of attraction into my enthusiasm for cakes and then it turned into an obsession, and the obsession was making me spin out of control again. so, I went in for an evaluation with my OB and he increased my dose to 75 mg in February.  So here we go, unbeknownst to me, that an increase in my medication creates an appetite increase and I’m here baking cakes and eclairs like every f*cking day. that 25 lbs. were gained back so fast and my depression and the anger I had at myself was painfully and outwardly constant, it was Muyly 2014 postpartum depression surfacing. It was really bad all over again.  in the Spring I revisited my law of attraction and stopped watching cake videos ha-ha. I think I kind of halted my baking too. And I asked for another increase in my medication dose.  this was my peak of using anti-depressants, at 100 mg. 

 I don’t know what it was, but after a month on the new dose, something urged me to get a hold of another doctor. I couldn't figure out why I was still so unstable, not just in my mind but with my body. It happened that I ended up going to the OB for new birth control, and it was the nurse practitioner who told me about the side effects of increasing my anti-depressants. You guys, I had been on such a self-defeating cycle.

During the summer, of 2018, it hit me that I needed to stop the cycle. I needed to just stop taking medication. I revved up my meditating and I stopped cold turkey on my pills. which is a no no. but I truly believe that my self-help mumbo jumbo with LoA podcasts and meditating derailed what could have been a huge crash coming down from quitting my meds as hastily as I did. Truly in my heart I believe it. Now, not to say I haven't had moments of sheer anger and anxiety and demeaning self-talks, but I've really taught myself to see those signs, then punch them out.

Don't worry, I was battling all this plus everything mentioned in paragraph 1, no biggie, heh. So that's why this me time weekend was so important for me, even though I did the dorkiest things. even though most people would call it a waste.

One of the things I did was go to Barnes and Noble. no kids no agenda. and all I wanted to do was to flip through books and magazines and drink my iced chai latte. I was there for almost 3 hours! I read, almost in their entirety, two Brene Brown books, 4 cooking and crafting related magazines and looked at a couple cookbooks.

Secondly, I went to craft stores, yes plural. I'm the type that can spend 2 hours at the craft store, well any store. I look at everything. but normally I am rushed because I have the kids with me. so, what the hell, I had zero kids so let’s go to two craft stores and it was the best 4 hours of my life! just kidding, not the best, but it was a liberation of time and responsibility I had not felt in so long. I bought all sorts of stuff and had all these plans to paint and craft and modge podge when I got to the hotel room. Oh, and I ate Panda Express in the car listening to one of my favorite podcasts through blue tooth. I don't have blue tooth in the van, but the sedan has it, and that’s usually Wes' car. it was great, it was like chow mein and learning about how I was really one with the universe. Shit like that, that I can't ever do because I choose to involve myself with other things and not take time out for myself.

 But once I got checked in to my hotel room, which, was just in sugar house by the way ha-ha. see, not far but different enough that it felt like a vacation. Once I got checked in, I didn't want to do all my adventurous crafting. Nope. I took a hot shower. I took a shower than I put on a face mask and watched Holiday Baking Championship for 2 hours. I went to the gas station and got the largest diet dr pepper ever and then returned to my hotel room, so I could order a salad through grub hub.

  

I didn't do any planning for the week, I didn't even think about my cake class planning. I did not really stay in touch with Wes and the kids, I sent Wes a photo of me and my face mask, ha-ha, a couple photos of the room I was in, oh and my giant diet dr pepper. but I didn't call or text other than that. I didn't want to know honestly what was happening at home. I knew it was fine, and I APPRECIATED Wes not calling or texting me either. he just let me be, because he knew I’d be fine.

So, when you are taking time out for yourself, don't fall into the grandiose of it. don't get lured into a me time weekend because you saw some lady at the spa saying oh it’s a me weekend.  Do it because you really enjoy being in the company of, well, you. ME, I enjoy being me. and me is different to everyone. Me to me is coming out of a 4-year cycle of mentally falling and catching, and physically bombarding my emotions and well-being and health. it was me coming out of the real 'fog' knowing I am capable of happiness and appreciation without medication, without being negative about how I look and without allowing my environment to dictate what I should be or should not be doing.

The best thing I’ve learned in 12 months is to  appreciate first, do second, ask last. Appreciate everything you have in the moment, in your life, in the lives of others. Act on your appreciation by giving to others, giving to your day, doing your tasks. And then, ask. Ask for help, ask for a conversation, ask to lend hand, ask for time.

Okay, now that I had that weekend of time, I can not only share my experience of it and why, but now I can finally give y’all some recipes! I have shared my buttercream recipe photo about half a dozen times and its horrible. Its horribly written lol and I have no direction other than measurements, so i have directions below. My sugar cookie recipe and royal icing recipe that I’ve loved using is also posted.

Muyly’s Best Vanilla Buttercream

Makes enough to frost an 8”, 3 layer cake. Not 3 tiers, there’s a difference.

1 Cup room temp butter

2 Cups  all veg shortening

½ teaspoon butter flavor extract

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

8 Cups Powdered sugar

8 tablespoons to ½ cup of cream or half and half

With a hand mixer or stand mixer, beat together butter and shortening until combine and smooth. On low speed add butter extract and vanilla extract. Increase speed to incorporate thoroughly.  Add half the powdered sugar on low until just combined with the butter and shortening mixture. Then add the other half. Add 8 TB of half and half or cream and check consistency. Buttercream should spread easily with a knife along the side of the mixing bowl. If it seems stiff, add liquid, up to ½ a cup until consistency is achieved.

To Store: This frosting will be fine at room temperature for several hours, but if you aren’t going to use it for a day or two, transfer to a GLASS bowl and cover tightly. Take it out the day you need it an let it come to room temp before frosting.

No Chill Cut Out Sugar Cookies

½ Cup softened butter

1 Cup granulated sugar

1 Tablespoon sour cream

1 teaspoon Vanilla extract

3 room temp egg whites

2 Cups AP Flour

½ teaspoon of baking powder

½ teaspoon fine kosher salt

Preheat oven to 350

With a hand mixer or stand mixer, combine butter and sugar and beat on medium speed until sugar is fully blended and mixture is fluffy and pale. Add sour cream, vanilla extract and beat until combined. Add egg whites and mix thoroughly.

In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt and mix. Add the dry ingredients in thirds to the wet mix. Stir until just combined before adding another third of the dry mix.

Dump out the dough on the floured surface and finish combining the ingredients by hand until a firm ball forms. Roll out dough and cut out shapes. Working quickly to transfer and get into the oven. Bake for 7-9 minutes until the bottoms turn a light golden brown. ( the leavening of the baking powder is activated by the sour cream, it will lose its rising agent fast so you have to work kind of fast, but don’t overwork with dough either) Cool cookies before frosting.

Royal Icing

4 Cups of Powdered sugar

3 TB of a powdered egg replacer, I like Ener-G Foods Egg Replacer

½ tsp vanilla extract, omit or use clear vanilla to maintain a bright white icing

4-6 TB of Warm water

In a large mixing bowl, mix powdered sugar and egg replacer. Add vanilla extract and stir until you can’t see the vanilla. Start with 2 TB of warm water and mix, add 2 more TB and mix vigorously to combine. When you raise up your whisk, you want the icing to fall into it self and melt away. If you see the icing still on top then add another TB of water and mix vigorously, keep adding up to 6 TB if needed.

Sandy Hot Air Balloon Festival

 6:45 a.m.

 She saw Grandma Miller headed our way and ran to greet her across the park

First one to inflate

 8:00 a.m.