Wes and Muyly: Charlotte is a whole month old

Our little Char-berry is one month old! What?! My first two weeks with her felt like a month..now that she is- I’m hoping all the months that are to come don’t fly by as fast as this one.

This week we started a legit feeding schedule..as far as sticking to it has been another story. They say to be flexible but sometimes she does her own thing, aaannd sometimes I do my own thing..like this series of pictures in the middle of her nap…

But seriously, I love her now. I say NOW because I didn’t have that feeling for the first couple weeks. I did the first day she arrived, but then after that the baby blues kicked in and I really didn’t even want to be around her. I was crying so so much and felt like I was running around in circles. I didn’t like her, honestly. I woke up every morning for that week wishing I could go back to just me and Wes. It's horrible to think, I know, especially since we tried so hard to conceive her. But, I had some great support from friends and family- I needed it or else I would probably have left her at the fire station (not really, but you moms know what I mean)

On top of that, she wasn’t latching to me and I was so frustrated. At first ,I was devastated, rot with guilt, mad and sad. I really wanted to nurse and they all say “breast is best” I felt horrible that I couldn’t give that to her. And when I started to pump, my supply was, and still is, really low. I felt like I was being judged by the whole world.. “ What?! You can’t breastfeed?” “Oh..you’re using formula?” “Wait til your milk comes in, you’ll be pumping like crazy” Well, no I CAN’T breastfeed and my milk hasn’t come in like I wanted, and yes I’m feeding with formula. I think the pressure I felt was really from me. And, admittedly, I felt like my husband was disappointed in me that I couldn’t do what was normal when it came to feeding and give her what most mothers can give to their babies. I had in my head how things would be with me and my baby- we’d bond right from the beginning, she’d be calm and good and cute and just be a go with the flow newborn. I’d feed her on demand and give her the best nutrition mother nature can provide. After three lactation visits with the nurse, she still wouldn’t latch. So it is what it is, she’s gaining weight and is healthy and that’s what is important to me. On top of that, She gets acid reflux…ugh! We went through 4 kinds of formula before we found one that would help her, plus we have her on baby zantac for a couple weeks as well. I hear she will grow out of it, but poor thing. I know the pain, really.

Rewind to her second week as a newborn, Mom let her fall off the couch! She was napping on the couch and woke up hungry- crying. I got off the couch to get her milk and my water and all of a sudden a pause in the crying, then a shrill of a cry. I came running out of the kitchen and she’s on the floor! Of course, I’m bawling hysterically and feeling guiltier than ever- I’m a bad mom- seriously. I took her to the pediatrician and she was fine. No problems and come to find out that a lot of new parents have either dropped their newborns and/or have had them fall off tall things.

Now that we are all learning about each other, she is turning out to be one smart and one strong little girl. Her head is so strong, she can hold it up for a little while and her legs can extend straight with pressure and push off on us sometimes. She has developed her little voice and every once in a while you will here the most cutest aah. Melts my heart. She loves to hang out with Dad when he gets home from work and just stares at him and listens so intently while he talks to her. Her last measurements and weight put her in the middle of the pack, 50^th percentile- average. But she’s way above average in every way to us :)